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Student Work: Alba, age 11

Alba, age 11, wrote this tense, descriptive and wonderfully creative story in our Lower KS3 Creative Writing tutorials.

In creative writing, one of the biggest challenges is often knowing how to help students get started. Students can be really enthusiastic to write, but the prospect of staring at a blank page can be really daunting for them.

To help overcome this, students were given a rough outline of an adventure story, (specially written by Tutor Dave), which included a typical narrative arc, suggestions for plot points and character development.

The story outline was broken into six sections and students developed and extended the outline of the story over the six tutorials in the topic, completing more in their own time if they wanted to.

This is such an amazing story, Alba! I love the care with which you have developed imagery in your writing to help us imagine the sights, sounds and suspense of trying to escape this island. You have taken the original ideas and developed them in a super creative way using your amazing writing skills to keep your reader intrigued and engaged in your story. What a great job – very well done!”

Feedback from Tutor Dave

To unleash your child’s creativity and help them to write like this, join our Upper/Lower KS3 English Tutorials.

Chapter 1
*The Start*

“I was looking through the rounded-plane-window waiting for us to land. We were flying over these wonderful green covered mountains and beautiful trees. Oh, it was lovely! But then…the Pilot started to make a funny noise.. It sort of sounded like… Choking. The pilot was choking!!! I went to try and help him, but the plane jolted back and then everything went downhill. The beautiful crystal clear water was not so beautiful anymore. It turned black like nothing was safe anymore. I called to the pilot, but no one answered. I screamed, but it was too late.No one could hear me. I jumped up and down on the plane, and started to examine the engines at the back of the plane…”

“I smelt the air, it smelt smokey but fiery. I stepped back, it was too much. I had to take a deep breath. I coughed because of the smoke. I’d had enough. I opened up the engine, it was a little smoky and the air was starting to get thicker and thicker… I went to jump off the plane but then I remembered the pilot! I climbed to the top of the plane and into the cockpit. The pilot was there but it looked like he had fainted or something. Then, I saw the crack in the side of the plane window and I understood what I had to do… I had to fly the plane. I wasn’t quite sure how to but then I decided to go for it. I pulled the joystick and the plane jolted this way and that! I was terrified and suddenly the plane dropped out of the sky. I shrieked as we plunged into the deep cold sea. I grabbed the pilot and swam and swam and swam until I saw a land mass. Not too big and not too small.. I stepped on to the warm sand and found a tree and I lay down and fell asleep with the pilot right by me.”

Chapter 2
*Survive?*

I opened my eyes and I felt a bit confused and tired and I could feel a headache creeping up. I couldn’t quite remember what had happened the day before. I rubbed my eyes and I sat up, just as my eyes were focusing I saw a figure standing in front of me and it gave me its hand. I took it, my eyes had focused and my body had woken up, I realised who it was. It was the pilot! He had made it! He was alive! I took a sharp breath and the air was thick and warm. He asked me if I was okay, I just nodded. I really wasn’t okay at all. I was terrified.”

“It was later on in the day, it was sort of midday, but I couldn’t tell because my watch had broken whilst I was swimming. It was actually quite a nice warm day, I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn’t just crashed in a plane and was thirsty and hungry. I asked the pilot if he had any leftover food from the plane. He said no, I was devastated. I remembered the palm trees and said to the pilot; “why don’t we get some coconuts from the palm trees from earlier?”

“Okay!” said the pilot.”

“We had been searching and searching for food and water. We had finally found a palm tree but it only had one coconut on it. Only one! I sighed and the pilot said; “I can get it if you lift me up?” I put out my leg and he stepped up onto it and climbed up the palm tree and suddenly, he screamed and fell off the palm tree. I rushed over to him and asked; “are you okay??” His eyes looked brighter than ever and he did manage to get the coconut but he pointed behind me. I then heard a hissing noise right by my ear and I ran and the pilot followed still with the coconut. We didn’t stop until we couldn’t hear the noise anymore.”

“We lay down that night and I could hear that noise louder than ever. I was shivering. It had gotten colder.

That night I couldn’t sleep at all, I was wondering if we’d ever survive and if anyone knows where we are and if my family is okay at home and if we can contact someone… It was dreadful.

Chapter 3
*The Cave*

I jumped up! Ready to go and get my kids to wake them up and go to school! Then, I remembered that I wasn’t at home. In fact, at that moment, I felt a little drop on my nose. I looked up, and loads of little drops of rain started pouring all over me!! The pilot was calling me, and screaming. I called to him. Nothing answered. I heard a scream again coming from the Jungle on my left. I ran into the Jungle, it was very damp and not much rain was getting in there. I looked up and realised why. There was a giant sea of palm trees above me. Beautiful ones, with coconuts and green leaves. I heard the scream again. I ran through the jungle with the most interesting pairs of eyes staring at me in all directions. 

I finally got to a clearing, and the rain had stopped. For a split second I thought I was at home in the beautiful sunshine, smoking my tobacco, peacefully. Then I saw a lake, a beautiful shining blue lake, the water was crystal clear. And I turned and that same screaming noise was right by my ear. I spotted a  cave and without thinking twice, I ran into it. It was a very dark cave, my eyes were still adjusting to the darkness when I bumped into something, a sort of rounded spiky object. My eyes had finally adjusted and I realised it was a beautiful crystal. I could hear a small dripping noise from the rain that had come back again. I could also still hear that screaming noise right outside the cave. Then, out of the blue, I saw a black shadow in the cave. It suddenly jumped out of the cave and growled and roared! A roar that one had never heard before. And the screaming, slowly, died away. There, was the black shadow again, lurking around the cave,  I didn’t quite get to see any of those creatures, if they were even creatures that is. I only saw a glimpse of black and green and then, everything seemed to calm down and the black shadow scaredly, slowly started to come nearer and nearer. It had definitely gotten hurt with everything that had happened outside, because it was limping towards me, in some need of help.

I sat down in the small glistening cave, and took off my bag. Luckily, I had stuffed the first aid kit from the plane in my bag just as it was falling out of the sky, it turned around again, but the creature had gone. I heard the noise again, it seemed to be further but louder and louder again. I had made up my mind. I couldn’t hear the pilots’ calls anymore. But I decided to stay the night in this cave.

That night I fell asleep straight away, but it wasn’t such a pleasant sleep. I had dreadful nightmares, about the screaming noise, I shall not explain anymore. It was too bad.

Chapter 4
*Survive?*

I gasped! Then I remembered I was safe. For now. I was trying to understand what I had been woken up by. Then I heard the screaming noise again. This time it sounded further away than last night.

I had waited and waited. And I felt it was the time. I plucked up the courage to go and investigate the noise. Just before I set off on this expedition, I remembered the black shadow, and whether it was  alive or I was just hallucinating. 

Then, I decided I needed a weapon of some sort.. So I looked around the cave for something I could make use of. I spent as long as I possibly could in that cave and the only resource I found was a considerably short stick. And a piece of string. Not the ideal weapon but it did the job. And then I remembered I had a small penknife in my bag which I found in the first aid bag. Which I used to carve my stick into a reasonably sharp end. Then I heard the screaming noise and decided to head out of the clearing into the dark and green spooky forest. And spotted tha

After I don’t know how many hours I was Trekking through that jungle but it seemed for days, maybe months. I saw nothing except small dart frogs and poisonous snakes. I ate everything left in my backpack. All I had left to do was eat small harmless bugs. And drink the water drops from the big forest roof and the umbrella like leaves.

I was about to give up and then I saw a light. Not a very bright one but a dim sort of calm-homelike sort of light. I ran towards this wonderful light and bursted out of the forest walls.

I blinked. I was outside again, where was I? Then I spun round and there was a cliff. A beautiful one with ivy hanging down from every nook and cranny of the beautiful cliff. I gazed at it from every angle. Its beauty was hypnotising! I shook myself, then I focused and the black shadow which had been following me finally revealed itself. It was a beautiful black prowling panther. It was the most elegant animal I had ever seen. With its golden eyes and pristine claws and eye-catching paws. Then, suddenly everything started pouring it down with rain and I decided it was time to head back to the cave.

I trotted through the green infested forest and I swore I could still hear the captain’s shouts ringing in my ear. I can’t wait to go back to that beautiful cliff the next morning. 

I turned the corner right by the cave, the black panther still following and then I looked behind me for one moment and 

There was like a sort of big, plastic-like snake skin, a massive one! Bigger than I had ever seen in my 30 years of living! Then everything went silent and the birds stopped singing, the insects stopped clicking and I turned around and saw what was making the noise…

***

Chapter 5
*Surprise!*

I gasped, it was the poor old pilot not living much longer, but his clothes were placed firmly on the beastly creature’s monstrosity of a body. Then I came back to my senses.

The black panther attacking ‘The Great Big Python’. I ran as fast as I could not even looking where I was going, the screaming of it was getting ever closer, I never even knew Python’s could make such noises! 

Still racing through the forest, the noise at its loudest and nearest as ever. ‘I could try and climb up a tree, or hide behind a rock?’ I thought to myself.

Then I saw a gigantic lake, beautiful crystal clear water, then I saw rocks, just about as tall and wide for me to hide behind. I sat with my back to the rock, not daring to say a word. The panther on my lap, ready to advance on ‘The Great Big Python’ if it didn’t leave soon. 

We waited, and waited, and waited. Me neither the Panther daring to go near the beastly creature I could hear its slow heartbeat and hissing tongue getting nearer and nearer. Its rattling scales shining off the sun, I could hear it slowly, advancing towards the rock I was hiding behind. Then, suddenly it turned and slithered away faster than I had ever moved myself. Then at that moment I realised the panther wasn’t on my lap. Then, I turned to see what had made the Python bolt, then I realised it was indeed the panther itself. Not any panther, the panther at the back of this great big party and a chief-like great big old panther at the very front with the most beautiful black panther! I kneeled down in front of the great big panther in a gesture of thanks. It accepted it and sat grandly like a king on his throne.

I could hear the hissing and screaming of The Great Big Python in the distance some way away.

That moment I relaxed slightly, like I was safe around these elegant creatures.

I looked at the lake again and saw a sort of raft looking thing, made out of yellow bamboo, held together with ivy from the tree and the panthers were gesturing towards it as a way of escape. The panther I was with, I named ‘Lucky’ because she had been very lucky to have been saved from her pack, and to still be alive and I was very lucky to have her.

Chapter 6
*The End*

I looked around for the raft again.. It was nowhere to be seen.. I kept looking and looking and finally I saw the bamboo raft was right there in front of me, I started to examine the raft and everything looked fine until, I realised that there was a big hole in the middle of the raft, but it looked like it was just fixable…  then I heard that distant hissing and screaming and shrieking in the distance.. It sounded like it was getting closer and then it went further and then back again like something was stopping it.

***

The next day I started to try and repair the raft.. It wasn’t going as well as I hoped it would.. I couldn’t find any materials to fix it with. Then I looked around for the last time and found some Ivy on a tree… Quite strong but not too thick, I gave it a try and,I hopped on the raft and splash. I fell through the ivy and into the freezing cold water. It wasn’t such a bad hole but it would do some good if I did fix it.. Then, the noise seemed to have escaped from the barrier’s grasp and started to get closer and closer..

I started to panic, not knowing what the best thing was to do and then… I remembered the small stump next to the stone I hid behind!! I ran over to the stone hearing the hissing getting ever closer, I grabbed the stump and shoved it in the hole.. I rapped the ivy around it and for now, It stayed.. I wrapped and wrapped until there was no ivy left… I had done it at last! I was free from this awful island.. I saw the panther’s shadows behind me and the thing was coming, they were blocking the thing!  Then, at that moment when I grabbed my bag and stuffed some berries in it, The Great Big Python re-appeared.. I waved goodbye to the panthers and said thank you many many times although it wasn’t much use because they were too busy fighting The Great Big Python… The small little Panther jumped on the bamboo raft at just the last minute and I grabbed it just before it slipped and fell in the ice cold water.. I rowed and rowed till the island was just as far as I felt safe.. I was free!! Finally!!!