Tia, age 13, wrote this chilling science-fiction story in our Upper KS3 Creative Writing tutorials.
In creative writing, one of the biggest challenges is often knowing how to help students get started. Students can be really enthusiastic to write, but the prospect of staring at a blank page can be really daunting for them.
To help overcome this, students were given a rough outline of a science-fiction story, (specially written by Tutor Dave), which included a typical narrative arc, suggestions for common sci-fi character types and a range of other tropes.
The story outline was broken into six sections and students developed and extended the outline of the story over the six tutorials in the topic, completing more in their own time if they wanted to.
“What a tense and exciting story, Tia. I love the gruesome descriptions and the way you have used sound in your writing to create truly scary imagery; I really feel like I can imagine this monster coming towards me making that terrifying clicking sound. The way you have made sure the pace is really slow when the creature advances towards you also really helps build the tension – brilliant! One thing you could try for future writing is to vary the starts of your sentences more frequently. It can be easy to end up having lots of them starting with ‘I’, but you can help keep readers even more engaged by mixing it up a little with an adverb at the start for example (e.g., ‘Slowly, I…’). There is true creativity and imagination on display here, Tia, and I think you’ve done an amazing job with this story. Well done!”
Feedback from Tutor Dave
To unleash your child’s creativity and help them to write like this, join our Upper/Lower KS3 English Tutorials.
Alone
Chapter 1
My eyes blink open and shut at least five times, before I wake properly, I stand up straight on a hard surface with no space to move. Layed in the same position for five minutes, “why am I here” I whispered to myself, Looking around the tight coffin-like room it was in I saw that it was just a glass room, there was a latch above my head but there was no escape.
I layed there thinking about why I’m in here, and how to escape. I bang my hand on the glass and bright lights shone outside of the glass room I’m in, each light flickered on one at a time, the light was so bright my eyes burned, scrunching my eyes closed, “what the, what is this place.” I cried.
Slowly opening my eyes again, it still hurts but I need to find a way out. The light caused a terrible migraine. “Argh why let me out please” I screamed, looking to my left side I see a handprint on the glass like someone was trying to get in. “Why were they trying to get in or get me out?” I thought. Then a small plop hit the floor a few inches away from the glass, A little red drop on the floor. “Is that blood?” I panicked.
Scrunching my eyes closed not wanting to see what was bleeding, “please let this be fake, please let this be a dream.”I cried, tears slowly dripping off my face.
Then I realised I don’t even know my own name, I don’t remember my own life, who I was, why I was in this glass room. Did anyone care for me or was worried I was in here.
I slowly opened my eyes, scared for what I was going to see.
I quickly looked up at a man tied to the ceiling by his hands, his head facing down to the floor, His body ripped in half, organs dropping out of his body. Black goo foaming out of his mouth “is he d-dead” I stuttered, Screaming pounding my arms on the glass, “Let me out now” I screamed.Moving my head around , then I realised i’m not in a room this is like a giant testing tube. Small so I can hardly move my hands but tall so I couldn’t reach the latch on the roof.
Looking around the room outside the glass tube, it was like a mad scientist’s evil layer like you see in kids shows, But looking at the technology, it was a lot more like a spaceship, “was this a spaceship or something like a workshop sort of thing” I thought. I looked to the left and saw the man hanging off the floor, a burning sensation filled my throat, I covered my mouth, “no don’t” I cried, tears dripping down my face. Then I vomited all over the floor “damn it, Im stood in vomit” I screamed. My body is shaking and feeling weak. “My throat, I need a drink” I coughed.
I stood there with my eyes closed, crying for at least five minutes “remember just let me remember.” I sobbed, I slammed my head on the glass. Suddenly I remember a small flash of my memories. I was standing in this room and a man with a blurry face came to me “you’ve been chosen im sorry.” He said and locked me and another man in this room. What does that mean? I thought, why did he lock us in here? Looking around the glass container I noticed outside of the container was a book. Maybe that will tell me why I’m here.
I stood there in my own vomit thinking, “Has the air gotten thinner.” I thought, Then a high tech screen popped up on the glass. “Oxygen at five percent. Activating extermination mode.” A robotic voice said. “No, what. Do not activate the extermination mode please!” I yelled. Then a blue liquid started filling the glass container. “No stop, please stop.”I cried. It was slowly rising up, further and further. It was up to my waist, trying to move my arms to the latch. “I cant reach” I screamed. Air was completely gone now and the liquid was up to my neck trying to yell but water blocked my mouth. liquid reached above my head. “Now all I have to wait for is to die.” I thought.I closed my eyes, managing to move my legs. I looked down, “Yes” I screamed inside my head. The liquid was at the top of the container. I paddled my legs up to the top of the container, grabbing the latch and pulling it down. It opened up, Jumping out the liquid and breathing heavily.
Chapter 2
I sat there on top of the large capsule, “what my limbs, they’re so weak” I whispered. Climbing off the top of the capsule, I fell off the glass container. “Ow, my arms are s-so weak.” I said clutching my arms, I got up and walked straight in front where the door was. Pounding my arm on the glass, “hey anyone there” I yelled, then I hit my hand too hard on the door, I yelled in pain “damn you” I yelled.
I looked around the door trying to pry the door open, everytime my fingernails hit the metal door a small ting, that was the only noise in the room otherwise it was silent. “Help anybody,” I said, choking back my tears. Why would anyone want to help you, I can’t think of anyone who cares for me, so why would anyone want to help me, “why do I bother no ones gonna come, so I need to fend for myself.” I said, tears dripping down my face.
I looked around the door, gripping its sides to try and open it,I breathed heavily “just open!” I yelled, Then out the corner of my eye I see lying on the floor is a small diary, I walked over to it, my bare feet clunking on the floor every step I took, I opened the diary. The old stained yellow pages. “How old is this book? It started off in two thousand and forty seven, the newer entries were in two thousand and fifty six. “So it’s around twenty fifty six?” I said.
I read one of the entries “It is twenty fifty five, the first successful clone has been made. We named her Sallie off the dead body of the person we made her off.” I sat there “t-thats my name, i-im a clone.” I screamed, my heart thundering in my chest. “I’ve been a clone, this whole entire time!” I screamed, wanting to know more so I continued reading. “The clone has been preserved in the pods, we have made measures so if the clone has not escaped by
time oxygen runs out we will have no choice but to exterminate her. “ So that’s what happened, “This is a test for intelligence and to see if it awakens.”
We have learned that these clones have enhanced strength and speed. But the downside is they do not have good durability.” I sat there confused, frightened and shocked. I flick at least ten pages forwards. “January tenth, twenty fifty six a creature got onto the ship, we locked michel chained to the roof in the containment room with the clones. In case the creature comes in and he will be the bate not the clones.”
“oh that’s what happened to him” I said, not daring to look behind me at him.
Starting to feel ill again I continue reading. “This creature is not to be messed with and it got into the room with the clones. We do not open the door, it seems to have gotten through the vents” I reread the last passage. “Wait, clones?” I said.
I looked behind me and saw there were another dozen pods behind mine, I walked up to them and saw they were all covered in the blue liquid. All of them inside drowned, dead. “No no no” I screamed. Falling backwards onto the floor, Curling up in a ball on the floor. “Why would someone do this?” I cried. Laying there screaming, choking on my tears.
Lying there, it must have been two hours.
I just felt nothing, “nothingness, life is meaningless, we all just die. In the end I don’t care anymore, I’m not going to feel emotions anymore.” I said laying on the floor. Then I saw a small red blinking light on the wall. “What is that?” I walk over to it and a massive hologram screen shows up. I jumped away from it, I had only seen one thing like this before “no, no not that blue liquid stuff” I yelled “please don’t do this to me” I yelled, But then I realised its a video.
I looked at it in confusion. Large red writing showed up on the screen “Motion sensed in left south wing hallway.” Then the screen flashed, A large hallway was there then a growling noise came. I looked around the room “what where is that” I mumbled. A large claw came on the screen and then the screen went blurred.
Chapter 3
I stood there, “what was that thing” I gasped, I picked up the diary. Scrolling through the pages “come on, say something about t-that thing.” I stuttered. “Nothing, how can there be nothing about a creature with giant claws, this is outrageous!” I screamed, “how am I supposed to defend myself against this thing? It doesn’t look too jolly , so I doubt it will be a good thing.”
The room started flashing red, a loud robotic voice said “power shutting down.” I looked around frantically, “no no no! It can’t get worse!” I screeched at the top of my lungs. Scrambling to the diary “come on there’s got to be something about this in here”
Looking through the diary I stop to read a page, “Sallie is showing incredible signs, all of the other clones show no signs of brain activity. So I did the most important thing any scientist would do, I cut off all the oxygen to the other clones and divertied it all to sallie, but if her body stays in there for to much longer, she may experience some kind of brain functions and
physical pain for a while after she awakes. But there’s something on the ship with us so we hope she awakes before it gets to us all.” I sat there eyes wide open, “that sick bas-” I paused, The lights shut off, chink chink chink Each light made that noise as it shut off, sat there in darkness then there was a whirring noise. The door opened, “no that thing can get in here now, I shouldn’t have said it can’t get worse earlier, horror movie 101 never say it can’t get worse” I thought, “wait how do I know that.”
I stood up and stumbled to the door feeling may around the room by holding on to the wall. Every step I took a small thud echoed around the new room, “I need to get out of here and get back to- e-earth, was that the planet’s name?” I thought.
“I have to save this ship, my life and get home.” I thought, “to earth. earth “ I thought again, “I like that name, it makes me feel safe and at home.”
I walked down the hallway, the cold metal flooring making my feet sting. A small growl came from around me, I jumped back in fear, then my stomach was in pain. “Why is that noise coming from me? And why is my throat so dry… am I hungry or thirsty? Is that this feeling,” I thought.
Walking down this endless corridor in darkness, “I have to admit this is quite a bit frightening.” I thought, my stomach made the noise again, I winced at the pain it was causing me, walking for longer. “ I can’t see anything, where even am I, all I know is that right now I can’t speak or that thing will find me.”
I walk further and further in the darkness, then the whirring sound again. A door opened, It sounded like it was in front of me, I walked forward.
The most amazing smells filled my noise, “wow” I dived around the room looking for the source of the amazing smell. Until I found my hands on the source of the smell. It was squishy, I stuffed it into my mouth “mmm” I smiled, I went to find more of this amazing discovery. I stood on this thing on the floor and fell forwards. Clunk my head smashed against the floor, I bit my lip to stop me from screaming in pain. I grabbed onto the side of a table, my hand hit a button on the table. A big blue screen lit up on the wall, Illuminating the room a large image of an old man with wispy grey hair, wrinkles on his face. He was wearing a white coat like a scientist.
“Hello Sallie, you may have found the dairy in the chamber room, from that you may already know what you are. And if you are seeing this I will more than likely be dead, i could have died of old age or…” He hesitated for a few seconds, “There is a creature on the ship with us we don’t know how it got in or how to defeat it.. I’m sorry and you may have remembered some things like Earth or movies, well this is because we extracted memories out of the woman you’re a clone of..” Loud clattering came on the screen and then it shut off. Just a white light.
With this limited light I ran to the sink, and grabbed a cup of water and drank it down in one gulp, I stepped to a table, just then the large screen shut off, “oh no.” I mumbled, I reached my hand onto the table feeling for anything to help me. My hand felt a rubbery material. I picked it up and felt a button, I pressed it and a light flickered off the end of the contraption. I remembered something , running through a forest with a girl, giggling and then I picked up a shovel.
“These aren’t my memories there hers not mine, whoever she is.” I said.
Click.
Click.
Click.
A noise on the ceiling went. I looked around, shining the torch around the room, but nothing. Thud, something dropped on the floor. I walked over to the thing, it was the body of a man. I stumbled backwards and fell on the floor shuffling backwards. I heard a scuttling noise across the roof I threw the torch, It landed on the table the light shining on the wall, and there was a massive monster, green slime costing its body, razor sharp teeth, saliva throthing out the things mouth, but there was some sort of human like body shaping to it.
Chapter 4
I sit there on the floor, my heart pounding.
Click.
Click.
Click.
it made that noise again, “why can’t I move, oh I wish I could just leave this place.” I thought, shuffling my arm slightly, it made a small noise.
The thing started looked up and stared at me. Slow, low growling its body slowly crawling off the wall crawling towards me, Its feet made a loud ding noise on the metal floor every step it took.
I grabbed the flashlight and shuffled backwards. The thing stopped in the middle of the floor. My breathing heavy, “I can’t take anymore of this, I feel like I’m going to faint.” I thought, I slowly stood up, taking slow steps backwards one at a time, the tiniest noise everytime I took a step.
Finally I reached the open door of the room,
I looked behind me clutching the torch. I turned around and ran for it. Loud noises echoed every time my foot hit the ground. Then I heard small shuffling noises from behind me.
Click.
Click.
Click.
It was near me, I ran picking up my pace, I smacked my head off a wall falling to the ground.
I winced in pain “running in darkness was not the best option but putting the torch on it could alert the creature.” I thought. The creature’s noises had stopped now…
I forgot I had the torch in my hands, I stood up. I stood there for a few seconds feeling dazed, it was like the room was spinning around. Then a loud noise came from below me,
The torch hit the floor, suddenly coming to my senses I looked down at the torch. About to run for it “the torch is my only source for light should I wast time grabbing it or-”
Click.
Click.
Click.
I dive forwards grabbing the torch, It clenched in my hands, My head still aching “I guess this is the terrible durability it was on about in the book” I thought. I ran as fast as I could. The thing was behind me. The sound of claws pounding the ground as it chased after me.
I ran through what felt to be a doorway, the thing sounded like it wasn’t following me. I switched on the torch, shining it around the room. Then next to me I heard a plop, a green frothy liquid was on the floor beside me and then I looked up, the thing was on the roof. I jump to the side diving under a table Panting heavily, I stare around the room. I switch off my torch, Trying to look around the dark room.
Click.
Click.
Click.
I sit there, waiting, watching, listening. For this thing to leave. A small scuttling noise came from behind me. I swiftly turn around, nothing.
Click.
Click.
Click.
I heard it slowly getting closer, and closer.
“Will it attack me, will it find me. What’s going to happen? I don’t want to die.” I thought, tears well up in my eyes. I sniff my nose.
Click.
Click.
Click.
The thing scuttled towards me…
Sitting in the darkness, hearing the monster get closer and closer. “Should I stay here or run for it… well in that book it said I had better stamina? Was it, I can’t remember… it could still catch up to me but-”. I could see the monster now, even in the dark. It crawled closer, it was lurching over me.
I look at my hands and see them coloured in crimson red blood, my head started having terrible stinging pains…
I screwed my eyes closed, I stood there in a forest, a shovel in my hands.
I dropped the shovel on the ground and looked down at my hands, they were covered in blood.
I opened my eyes again, “no no no!” I screamed, I didn’t do this, it was that woman. I scrambled away from the creature, slowly standing up I looked at the creature and walked backwards. “I’m Running I won’t stop. I will keep running until I find a way out of here.” I panted,
I turned the torch on, scared of what I would see.
Chapter 5
I ran somewhere. “But I still can’t see, how do I know it’s not behind me.” I thought. I crouched down on the floor, too scared to put on my torch. I grip onto the torch and pipe, Every small noise I turn to find nothing. “You’re just scared, you knocked the thing out.” I whispered to myself, My eyes started to feel extremely heavy, Like at any moment they would just close forever. “I can’t sleep, that thing could attack me at any time. Stay awake.” I whispered, hitting myself in the face to forcibly stay awake.
My eyes slowly closing, “no stay awa-”
A loud clatter hit the floor,
Click.
Click.
Click.
I clench the flashlight in my hands, my body not moving, My breaths become quicker, my heart rate faster. My hand slowly moved across the torch.
I finally blinked, now it was like my eyes were glued together. Using my fingertips to sense the button now. I feel it, about to press the button… “no!” I screamed, I dropped the torch. Moving my hands to my eyes, Managing to pry my eyes open. I looked around in the darkness slowly moving my hand around to find the torch in the darkness. Suddenly I feel my hand shoot a stinging pain across my body. I looked at my hand, inches away from my face. There was a small dot like a needle shot, I felt and it hurt worse than other pain.
Remembering when I thought this thing off, Suddenly I remember the thing touching my hand with its tail. “Is it like some sort of scorpion? Is that why my body’s so drained of energy?” I thought.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Darkness, no torch to help me see…
The monster dived at me, I screamed louder than I ever had before,
I tried with all my strength to push the creature off my body but it was still too strong.
I painfully move my arm to the left and grab the pipe, I screw my eyes closed. Shoving the pipe in its mouth.
The Monster fell onto the floor hearing it cougth. I move my arms forwards pushing my body across the floor.
Then a pain shot throughout my body, I stopped and yelped in pain clenching my chest.
Tears filling my eyes, “what is happening!” I screamed.
The creature’s head shot up.
Click.
Click.
Click.
I twisted on the floor, “get off!” I screamed.
It just kept dragging me, I pushed my arms in front of me to try and escape, but it was just too strong. Remembering the events of the day, I burst out into tears. Screaming at this monster I will stop it, It just kept dragging me…
Its razor sharp teeth sinking into my ankles.I closed my eyes,
“It might as well be over, I really don’t care anymore. I dont have the energy, the strength… Nothing.” I thought.
I slowly opened my eyes, it was still dragging me, I looked around the darkness and saw something on the floor, I reached out my arm, with some sudden adrenaline my fingers barely touched it as the monster continued pulling me.
I had the object in my hands, Running my finger along the blade. “It’s a knife…” I thought. Stuffing the knife in my pocket, It still dragged me.It dragged me to a room, the only room with light, After not seeing light for so long my eyes burned like fire was melting them. It stopped in the room. I layed on the floor not able to move. “Hello..” A voice said behind me.
My body jumped, at the noise of another person speaking. It walked up behind me and I felt them put their high-heel on my back, pinning me to the ground. My body winced in pain, “ah, who are you and what are you doing?” I gasped.
They grabbed my arm and pulled me up against a wall and sat me so I could see their face. My body froze, “no no no.” I whispered, not believing what could be happening.
“They said you were dead.”
“Well they were wrong weren’t they!” She laughed, “my dear clone, I never knew you were such a fighter… Do you know my real name? It’s Alice, so you can call me that.
Sallie was just a fake name.” Alice smiled, cupping her hands around my face.
“You… Please. Help me,” I whispered,
“Ha! Do you think I’m a good guy? You worked so hard to destroy my creation here. I don’t think I can help you.” She smiled, her red velvet dress draping across the floor and her big black heels hitting the floor as she walked to a chair to watch me.
“Do you know what’s happening, Well my dear creation stung you so and the chemicals in that are sowing your heart rate until you die.. And I have the one and only cure…I can’t wait to watch you die.” She laughed maniacally, Tossing a bottle in her hands. “Y-you M-mmonnster” I whispered, not even wanting to yell.
“Do you want to know my plan? I’m taking my dear creation here to Earth, and we’re going to become more in control of the government, the royals and the rich. Because fear conquers all… Do you remember Amai?” She smiled, I suddenly remembered all of these memories of Alice and Amai being great friends…
“We were the greatest of friends until our twenties because I got an amazing job with a lot of technology… I killed her and made her something better. My sweet creation is her. I needed someone who trusted me and had the required strength, smarts and more… So I killed her and snook her onto this ship, with all the technology I needed, where for years I created my beautiful monster and more like poisons, which you already know about.” She screamed, an insane look on her face.
I looked into the monsters eyes, They were the soft brown, tears welling up inside them.
“She wants to be set free…” I thought.
“Amai im sorry,” I screamed, running at the creature with the knife,”What are you doing!” Alice yelled, I stabbed at least ten times in the head. “What are you doing, fight her off, you idiot!” Alice screamed.
The creature didn’t even try to fight me off, it just smiled, I could tell in her eyes she was finally free.
I turned around with hardly no energy left, I dived at Alice, pinning her to the ground.
I went to stab her in the head but she moved her head just in time.
“You don’t know why I did it, do you?
All of my life, as far back as I can remember. No one cared for me, not even my own parents, and then I realised that the only way to be noticed and respected in this world is to be famous, rich… so I decided to make a monster to be respected and I could buy all the friends I want with all of the money”
“I just wanted to be loved, but I did it the wrong way…I deserve what’s coming.” She cried, “Amai was your best friend, she loved you. But you couldn’t see that.” I whispered,
“I’m sorry,” She whispered.
I grabbed the cure and drank it, I was still tired but I wasn’t dying, and I walked out the room. There was a panel and I locked the door and put zero oxygen on…
“She must have put all the energy into that room so I need to find out how to get it back.” Running through the darkness of the hallways searching for the source of power.
Chapter 6
I slowly step in the darkness, into a new room. My body is still aching, but still I walk around the room searching for a way out of here.
“Where is the electricity room!” I yell in frustration. Sensing my away around in the darkness, I feel something. “A switch?” I grabbed the handle and pulled it down. A small torch fell out of the gap in the wall. I turn the torch on, shining it around the room, suddenly I see a piece of paper nailed to the wall, I slowly step over to it. Shining the light on the paper. It had little passageways and labelled rooms on it. “A map!” I shouted in joy. Slowly grabbing each edge of the map I pull it off the wall.
I look at the small labelled rooms on the map. “where is it?” I repeat over and over to myself . Suddenly out the corner of my eye is a little room on the map labelled “electrics”. I stare at it. Trying to find out where I am now “I grab a red marker from the desk and circle the Electrical room. I stand up a skip in step. “ I can get out of this place” I whisper, excited as I could ever be. “So maybe I could look around for any main places to find out where I am.
I walk out of the room torch in one hand map in the other, I step around looking for any obvious places I could be. “Where am I,” I mumble. Suddenly I smell the most amazing smell… It was the food from before. I dived through the hallway in front of the door of the source of the luxurious smell. I sit on the floor shining the torch on the map. My eyes were running back and forth around the map until I found a room labelled “lunch room” . I grabbed the red marker out of my pocket and circled the room on the map. “No… Why does it have to be on the other side of the ship.” I moan, standing up and preparing to take the long walk around to the other side of the ship.
My feet aching, my body exhausted, I finally made it to the room. Standing in front of the room, I collapsed on the floor, so tired “How- Big- is- this- ship.” I gasped, I slowly stood up and walked into the room. The floor was wet like it had flooded. “Why is it wet?” I mumbled, I walked around the room to see at least thirty cables tied together, One of them sticking out joined to a room named “Sitting Room.”
“Hmm, that must be the room where…She was.” I mumbled, not even wanting to say her name.
I pulled the cable out of the room, I grabbed all of the cables and felt them thinking how I could put the electricity on.
I grabbed the long line of cables, it was almost the length of my body. The ends sparking, I touched it and lifted the cables, which were extremely heavy as I was about to separate them to put into the right places I heard.
Click.
Click.
Click.
I looked around the room, shining my torch on any hidden corners in the room. I noticed at least ten of those monsters on the top of a large cabinet. The same sad eyes but some were blue green all different colours “not again…” I think my eyes are welling up with tears.
I step backwards on the dry flooring, holding the cables in my hands. The monsters advanced closer.
Click.
Click.
Click.
My body walked backwards further and further until. I stopped when a wall was behind me… The monsters slowly moved closer and closer. I scrunch my eyes closed. Too tired to run, too tired to attack, I remember before I walked out of the room to turn off the oxygen, Alice pointed her finger at me. Then I didn’t know what she was doing but if I looked up there were more of them. She sent them after me before she died. They must have escaped the room after I locked it, But who are they…. The crew, it must be.
I looked at them, their eyes so sad. In pain it was like they were ventriloquist dummies and couldn’t control what they were doing.
I looked at them, my heart ached to see the sadness on their faces. I looked at the floor and then it hit me. “I can destroy you once and for all.” I whispered, I ran around the room and lured the creatures towards me. It stood there in the water. I grabbed the cable and threw it in the water. Just in time I jumped out the water, The creatures fell to the ground small puffs of smoke flying off them. I smiled weakly. Then I realised I don’t have any electricity to escape now.
Part two is coming soon…